Dealing With Anger and Pain
It’s time to heal and thrive
The best advice I can give to anyone who has anger issues is: “Don’t hold onto anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love and success.”
The truth shall set you free.
When dealing with anger and pain, you may be triggered by past hurt, regret or fear. The very first thing to do is accept and acknowledge that it is a problem you are dealing with. If you can’t accept that it is an issue causing problems in your life, then you will not have the drive to do anything about it. But I’m guessing that if you have read this far, then you realize it is affecting you, your relationships and possibly your work or business. Once you have truly accepted it, you will be able to admit to anyone that you have anger and it is a problem. Don’t be ashamed because you are just a soul living the human experience and there are bound to be glitches along the journey.
Discover the root of the problem.
Now that you have accepted that there is an anger issue, it’s time to figure out why. There are many ways to go about this, one would be going through therapy to delve into your past to find out what is triggering you. You could also self analyze, take a journal and start writing all the things in your past that have caused pain, hurt, fear or regret. As you are writing, let the emotions flow. This is part of releasing all of that negative energy that is suppressed. Talk therapy could help as well, find someone you feel you can trust and who won’t judge and open up to them about your past. Getting that emotional support from someone can be a huge relief from the burden you carry.
If you believe in reincarnation and past lives, you could reach out to a past life regression hypnotherapist who can put you under hypnosis to reveal where the anger is coming from. This is especially helpful if you haven’t had any major trauma in your past and are unsure of where this anger is coming from.
Realizing how this affects your life.
Once you know the root of the problem and you have gained some understanding of how it makes you feel, it is time to open your eyes to how it is affecting everyone around you, including yourself. How compassionate are you? Have you been blocking acceptance of this anger issue because you know it hurts your loved ones, but you don’t want to or don’t know how to deal with it? It comes down to compassion. You need to care enough about the people around you to want better for them. Put yourself in their shoes, can you imagine what it feels like to be around you when you are in a rage or when you take out your anger on them?
Some believe that at the moment of your death you feel and see every moment of your life in an instant and you get the chance to feel the emotions good and bad of those you have affected in your life. If that is true, how much negativity would you be feeling? Now is the time to make things right. You always do the best you can with what you know. So now you are no longer hiding or blinded by this negative emotion, now you know what it does to your loved ones. Now is the time to make some changes.
Dealing with Anger and Pain Through Mindfulness.
Most likely you are being triggered regularly throughout the day and living your life reactively. This means that most of the time you are unaware that you are showing anger to others. In order to fix this, you need to practice mindfulness, being in the moment, knowing exactly what you are feeling and why you are feeling these things. A good book to read on mindfulness is “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. You are always at your best when you are in the moment. You are always in control when you are in the moment. By living reactively, you are not in control. You are simply just reacting to painful, regretful or hurtful triggers from your past. When you allow the pain from the past to control your life now, you choose a life of personal hell. You basically are reliving the pain over and over again and forcing everyone around you to live the pain. You are also causing pain to others that they will develop as triggers in their future. It keeps going and going. Isn’t it time to stop the cycle?
To be mindful, takes practice. You need to start small. If you are religious then spend some time praying every day. If you are spiritual then work on meditation every day. Start off with just 5 minutes a day and work up to 45 minutes a day. This quiet, still time will help you be in the moment.
Next, pay attention a few times a day to the things you are doing. If your child asks you to play with him or her, then do that with your full attention. Turn off your phone, the TV and get rid of any distractions and give your child that 30 minutes of undivided attention. Play with them like you were a child yourself. Walk on the grass barefoot. Yes, do it! Feel the grass on your feet. Feel the sun on your skin. Breath in the fresh air. Pay attention to the breeze on your skin, the sounds of nature around you. Take it all in. This is living.
The more you practice mindfulness, the more you will switch to living in the moment and being aware of your feelings and controlling your reactions to them. It’s a journey, it doesn’t happen over night, but is is completely freeing!
Check In with Others.
Keep a calendar and write your progress, write down the things you do to be mindful, keep track of your prayer time or meditation time. Every other week, check with your loved ones or friends and see if they notice a difference in you. Allow them to be honest and open with you so that you can take the constructive criticism to make improvements. Have an open door policy. Allow them to express to you how you make them feel. Open your heart and be compassionate with your responses to this information. As long as you are open and compassionate, you will never be stepping backwards, only moving forward.
I respect anyone who wants to be a better person. It’s not easy to see our faults and stay dedicated to working on them. But the end result is something that can’t ever be expressed. It’s love, it’s freedom, it’s peace. You have it in you to create the life you want to live. It is never too late. I hope this has helped motivate you to be the best human you can be.
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